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So I was explaining my gender-fluidity to my grandmother

  • Me:

    So sometimes I'm a boy, but sometimes I'm a girl.

  • Grandma:

    I have enough idiot granddaughters already

  • Me:

  • Grandma:

  • Me:

  • Grandma:

    But I also have enough idiot grandsons, so having an idiot who isn't really either one is kind of refreshing.

  • *then later*

  • My mom:

    Alex, can you come pick up these LEGOs?

  • Me:

    Yeah... *doesn't move at all*

  • Grandma:

    Katie, go pick up the LEGOs

  • Me:

    Yeah, alright *goes to pick up LEGOs*

  • Grandma:

    See, you addressed the boy, but I addressed the girl. Boys are lazy, girls get crap done.

thewellofastarael:

hankgreensmoustache:

champagne-paradise:

kaworushin:

wouldnt it be fucking scary if you had a clock that counted down until the moment you die. like what if it could be altered too like one day it says 70 years left but then you do something and it says 10 minutes left and youre like what the fuck i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up

omg

what if you got on a plane and then as soon as it took off everybodys clock changed to 20 minutes

LAND THE FUCKING PLANE IMMEDIATELY

(Source: darmani)

  1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

    2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

    3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.

    4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

    5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

    6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

    7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

    8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

    9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

    10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

    11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

    12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

    14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

    15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

    16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

Sixteen Small Steps to Happiness (via alecstasy)

1.  I tried, there is no early rising for this owl.

2.  I have shit to do.

3.  No pasta? Cereal? or Bread?  FOR SHAME!

4.  This actually sounds quite nice.  But see #1.

5.  I can do that.

6.  Oh god, water. I still argue that tea counts as water.  And so does flavored water with no or 5 calories. Right?

7.  A planner is much better for that.

8.  I can barely be bothered to do the real laundry let alone wash things that are already clean.  Save water!!!

9.  I really need to get on this.  Does anyone have an extra day or two laying around that they don’t need?

10.  Sounds divine…I remember those glorious showers.

11.  I am land locked, there is no beach you jerks.  Way to rub it in.  (In May, I’ll do this in May)  Learning about animal behavior does make me pretty happy though.

12.  I really do suck at this.

13.  Apparently this list doesn’t believe in the number 13.  

14.  I’m well aware.  I’m constantly reading for learning purposes and no longer have time for personal reading.  Another shame.

15.  I’m already pretty awesome, but no fucking way am I paying double for a parking ticket (and what is a parking ticket machine).  I have yet to find a money tree.

16.  Lie in the sunshine…I sure wish I could.  There is no sunshine and warmth right now.  I can’t wait to be back in California.  

 Just taking a break from work to be silly on the interwebs. This was fun.

I’m a lot happier now that I have been the last few months (and longer).  The impending move, one less class, and making progress have really helped.     

(via gradmom)

(Source: emma-elsworthy)

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